First, to gain a particular attribute, skill, or characteristic, we need to know the meaning of it. So let us understand what is Self-esteem/image or what I like to call is Self-concept. So in the language of psychology “Self-esteem is a positive or negative orientation toward oneself; an overall evaluation of one's worth or value. People are motivated to have high self-esteem, and having it indicates positive self-regard, not egotism.” According to the University of Maryland.
In simple words to me Self-esteem is the way you look at, speak to and believe about YOURSELF. And that’s what I have been following. And Confidence to me is the combination of belief you have in yourself and how comfortable you are within your skin which can also be referred to as the amount of self-acceptance you have.
Imagine You have tiny hands covered with a bit of cake you are wearing the prettiest cute Lil pink dress (fork) standing behind the curtains and peeking through the curtains wanting to go out talk and go sit on the lap of your favorite aunt who by the way is here to celebrate your 2nd Birthday. But all you seem to be doing is wanting to go out peeking through the curtain catching eye contact, freaking out in joy and excitement covering yourself with the same curtains… everybody’s thinking Awww…. isn't she the most adorable kid. Well sure she is but it’s pretty evident she for sure is a SHY girl. Yes, you can tell I was a hell of a shy kid I still am but I’ve learned to play it cool so well by now that I can pull off a few savior tricks to get through the awkwardness.
So I can tell you that gaining the confidence to be a model was a brave act for me and reaching a decent amount of positive self-esteem was a whole journey in itself. I still struggle with it sometimes and that’s the part of it whoever thinks that gaining confidence and building self-esteem is onetime labor let me tell you my friend it’s not it is a constant battle.
Now big question HOW TO GAIN SELF ESTEEM & CONFIDENCE AT YOUR LOWEST?! Right? Well to me it’s about persisting in my lowest lows am not trying to break mountains and not trying to force myself into anything that puts a strain on me for the time being. So here are some actionable steps you might want to consider when you are at your lowest.
1. PLEASE DON’T TRY TO FIGHT IT BACK. FEELING LOW IS NOT AN ISSUE DWELLING INTO IT IS.
I’ve often seen a lot of individuals (including me most of the time) when you start to feel a little blue or some unpleasant event takes place our immediate response is to shake it off. Just pretending like it didn’t affect us or worst acting like nothing ever happened. Listen, what you're telling your brain by immediately brushing something off under the carpet is, it is NOT OKAY to feel sad, angry, unhappy, or any other not-so-positive emotion. As I said feeling negative emotions is not the issue keep dwelling into it is and mind you there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to processing emotions. 7 days may not be dwelling i.e. living into something for you depending on your lifestyle the time you get to spend with yourself may not be the case for someone like me who is a chronic overthink and happens to experience what you might do in those 7 days in just 2 days.
So try to find your timeframe which is unique to you understand how you tend to absorb learn and move on basically the process of how you dealing with emotion. Which requires simple observation and self-awareness.
Example – Got dumped?! Acknowledge it like hm! So the person I thought I’d end up with doesn’t feel the same about me yeah well that hurts. Feel what your feeling find a way to release it for some it’s talking to a person for some it's journaling and for some, it’s just sitting alone crying on the floor with all lights off. Do not force yourself to feel okay immediately do not criticize yourself for not being okay and just have patience be kind to yourself. At this point, I just want to request you not to suppress your emotions.
2. DISTRACTIONS ARE IMPORTANT
One of my close friends had once told me when I was dealing with a loved one’s death coupled with some crucial family disputes. At first, I thought it was absurd but then I started to incorporate some systematic (being the workaholic I am) “Distraction” in my schedule by doing things like watching anime, some series, and my favorite movies not to learn, not to get inspired, neither to feel better but just for fun to deliberately waste time which I used to dread. Doing so helped me to gain perspective over what I believed to be wasting time was never really wasting instead it was a much-needed balance. So after this whenever I feel low at least now I’ve stopped beating myself up for not being productive or simply wasting time. And very vividly remember him saying “Are mohtarma distraction bhi zaruri hote hain”. Now you could be dealing with something which may be consuming you and you might feel yeah right easier said than done or my entire life has become a distraction Gulisha what now?! In that case, I’ll urge you to address your emotions as I mentioned above because if all you do is distract yourself then you are trying to run away from something and chances are putting awareness on to what it is that you are running from, which by the way is way too hard as you’ll expect but it might have you really acknowledge the cause and the direction of your thought also shifts from victimizing to problem-solving which comes naturally to humankind we are innate problem solvers.
Whatever you choose your distraction or leisure find the balance that works for you. It is can also be looking at like work-play balance for example you do the actual work or study for 60 min and spend the rest of the day worrying and stressing so instead of doing that maybe you watch an episode of a series you like or if you like me you listen to cringe romantic Bollywood songs for an hour straight. And if you are from a creative field and you have no fixed hours or straight 7-8hrs a day like when am shooting so if I’m shooting for 3 days a week I take at least 1 day off and do something for just fun just do nothing. With this what’s going to happen is since you are putting some time and effort towards working your brain will get a sense of progressiveness which is a psychological need of a human as well as you are rewarding yourself with some leisure which triggers the pain and pleasure mechanism of your brain which require to be in balance and what I have noticed with myself is that when I take a set amount of time out for leisure I feel less guilty about wasting time so it has also changed my perspective over what isn’t wasting time is and what isn’t.
3. SPIRITUALITY MAY BE SUBJECTIVE BUT ITS EFFECTS ARE WHAT ALL OF US NEED AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIVES.
Now this one might be a little controversial and very subjective. I do not promote any particular religion and that being said neither do you have to be religious to be spiritual. What I believe is there is a higher power above us whether it be Universe, God, higher self the name doesn’t matter to me personally and I take something out from every culture and religion. So that might be a good place to start from if you haven’t started your spiritual journey.
Get in some sort of practice whether it be meditating, doing yoga, or even reading a religious book regularly, prayers, or participating in public services events any activity that helps you with being able to experience peace and purpose. Though spirituality is on the trending topics list and the entire planet is talking about it. If you look back in our Indian culture history you find out Vedas, Puranas, and our ancient scriptures talk about all the practices which were ingrained into an individual’s life that cultivates, foster, and promote good health as a whole whether be it mental, physical, emotional or spiritual.
Indian scriptures which I’ve always heard of like Bhagwat Geeta, Mahabharat, and Ramayan can provide a lot of value if consumed with the right approach and the intention to learn. I think this topic deserves a blog of its own. Practices like simple breathing techniques as the western countries call it for us it could be Anulom-vilom can also help you stabilize. I suggest you watch some youtube videos and do it within the comfort of your bed if you are at rock bottom and don’t even have the energy of getting out of the bed.
Here is a list of spiritual practices that you could try to get started-
1. Breathing techniques/ Yoga that focuses on breathing.
2. Listening to calming music (no lyrics)/ Subliminal.
3. Chanting Meditation/ Guided meditation (if you struggle with it)
4. Reading/ Audiobook
5. Watching life stories instead of social media stories. (Reduce social media reduce comparison)
6. Yoga/ Body stretches
7. Home workouts/ join a gym
8. Change your daily habits like eating, sleeping, or content consumption limit.
9. Affirmations/ Self talk awareness and improvement.
10. Journaling/writing letters and burn them.
It sure is a never-ending and vast topic gaining confidence is a journey and being able to try to explain it also is a never-ending process. And I hope to write more on this subject too. This one was centered on when you just can’t seem to be having anything working out, at your worst, rock bottoms if you may. And hopefully, this might have helped someone in some way.
0 Comments